Conan's Next TV Show? 10 Post-Tonight Show Power Moves
With rumors swirling that the funnyman might lose his late-night spot, we offer up some possible career choices.
Conan the Unemployed?
NBC's prime time and late night ratings suck peacock. The Jay Leno Show is as terrible as its hammy host, and The Tonight Show can't win because David Letterman put his penis in employees and comedic genius Conan O'Brien hasn't. Instead of canning Leno, the network is considering giving The Tonight Show back to him and either convincing Conan to follow him again or leave. Personally, we think the comedic genius with the tuft of red hair should bounce and get the last laugh. And here are a few suggestions on how to do it. Check out our ideas for TV moves that Conan O'Brien could make if NBC strips him of his show.
DO THE CONANDO TELENOVELA • If you think Conando, Conan's heroic telenovela character who always beats down melodramatic bad guys to save the day and get the girl, is too ridiculous for TV, clearly you've never watched Univision.
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DO A LIVE ACTION ADAPTATION OF TINTIN • With three to five concentrated hours in styling every morning, we think Conan just might be able to pull off the hair.
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DO A LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW ON FOX • Close your eyes and imagine...The Conan Magic Hour! No, not an hour of Conan doing magic, but the unstoppable duo of O'Brien and Fox's failed late night talk show host Magic Johnson! Hey, uncomfortably awful ebony-and-ivory comedy works for Leno and Kevin Eubanks.
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BECOME THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE ROOTS • If Conan is forced to stay at NBC until his contract expires, he should force his way into Jimmy Fallon's house band. What difference is a 27th band member gonna make? Plus, every time Fallon attempts to do something resembling comedy, Conan could do this.
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DO SKINEMAX • Once the world has seen Conan's milky white hot scenes, all other non-penetration stars will pale in comparison.
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TAKE OVER MEET THE PRESS • The last thing political talk shows need is more dry blather. We're not saying David Gregory should go, he just needs to agree to be Pimpbot 5000's bitch.
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PLAY THE NEW WALKER, TEXAS RANGER • Conan always loved to show ridiculous Walker, Texas Ranger clips. Why not play him? And you didn't think anything could be more ridiculous than a white Texas ranger having a black buddy.
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DO A SITCOM WITH TRIUMPH AND THE MASTURBATING BEAR • Fur won't be the only thing flying when a sexless geek moves in with two wild and horny animals! (Spunk will be flying all over the place too, you see.)
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SAVE THE SIMPSONS • Conan desperately needs to work the magic he did when he wrote and produced for The Simpsons during its early '90s peak. Seriously, when it comes to yellow people, WWII internment camps were funnier than Matt Groening's show is nowadays.
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UNITE WITH JON STEWART AND STEPHEN COLBERT • If Comedy Central is smart, it'll scoop Conan up with the quickness and take over late nights with this comedic trinity. Even Letterman's wandering prick ain't fuckin' with that.
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